There is something defiant about the lyrics and tone of The Mountain Goats’ song ‘This Year.’ This defiance is not the rebellion against larger society that one would find in various genres of rock or punk music; the sort of rebellion people usually associate with music, nor is it any sort of musical rebellion; musically the song is wonderful, though not entirely unique in its stylings. Rather, the defiance which underlies This Year seems to be a defiance against the absurd pressures and stresses of life itself. All throughout the song, a single refrain is repeated several times;

“I am going to make it through this year if it kills me.”

The song originates from the Mountain Goats’ album The Sunset Tree, which came out on April 26 2005. This album is the same age as much of PCM’s current graduating class. Being by far the most popular song on the album, This Year recalls the tale of a rebellious 17-year-old John Darnielle – the prime member of the Mountain Goats – spending a night with a girl before returning home to an abusive stepfather. 

What is perhaps the most striking feature of ‘This Year’ is the fact that despite dealing with the aimlessness of youth, abusive relationships, and with the cosmic terror of life in the face of death, the song is upbeat and filled with an energy and optimism that drives it forward unrelentingly. Directly following a passage describing the narrator fighting with their stepfather, is the lyric “There will be feasting and dancing in Jerusalem next year.” Taken literally this line seems incredibly out of place given the rest of the lyrics, but at its core, it represents the same message. Just hold on till next year, and things may just get better. Even if it can be chalked up to youthful abandon, the song holds onto this future joy with some absurd yet powerful hope.

Despite everything, life pushes on, and it is up to us to keep up with it. Our reasons for continuing on do not have to be rational and they don’t even have to pertain to us; what matters is that we continue on even if it’s just to make it through another year. Again the song’s refrain comes to mind; 

“I am gonna make it through this year, If it kills me.”

After a certain point, it feels as though the narrator is shaking the listener, and crying out to them that same message, that they just need to hold on a little longer. 

In researching This Year for the article you are now reading I discovered a cavalcade of covers of the song. On YouTube alone, a brief search will reveal what is quite possibly hundreds of them, ranging from those that are decades old and recorded on what looks like a potato, to ones uploaded within the last few weeks with surprisingly high production value. Given the song’s age and popularity within many of the niche communities that know of it, these covers do make some sense, but even then, the sheer number and recency of them still constitute some anomaly. 

On many of its more popular uploads, one can look at the comments to find people sharing stories of their lives and the struggles they have encountered. While in some ways more direct than others, it seems the song has left a profound positive impact on people, helping them live in spite of whatever struggles they have but placed upon them.

Perhaps both of these phenomena speak to the power of the song’s central theme: that of continuing on if just for a little bit longer; or perhaps it’s just a really good song. 

I am gonna make it through this year if it kills me.