Holidays with Henning

by Chance Palm

What does PCM’s famous science teacher, Matthew Henning have planned for the holidays, Henning said, “We are staying home this year. We are not going to go out and do anything, so I guess we are just gonna have Christmas at home.

On his favorite element, Henning said, “I like Lithium [because it] is number three, which is my favorite number, and the other is Praseodymium because it sounds cool.”

Mr. Henning is not a big fan of Christmas and holiday music, however he said, he is a fan of pop music, rock music and older rock music.

He said he also had a normal Christmas, “No, I don’t think there is anything odd I do for Christmas,” he said. Henning also answers a series of pressing and urgent social issues. On how dogs should wear pants he agreed with President Barrack Obama, that they wear them on their hind legs as opposed to on all fours. On regards to the four legged version, “ I think, it’s a little too conservative… too much fabric,” said Obama. Henning also argued, “They just wear them on their hind legs.”

The pressing and urgent issues of animals wearing human clothes don’t just end with how dogs should wear pants. Another great debate among the world’s most brilliant scholars has come up, that question, if giraffes wore ties, how would a giraffe wear that purely hypothetical tie? Would they wear it at the top or the bottom of a their neck? Henning firmly believes that the tie should go to the bottom of the neck as opposed to the top. He said that it would just look weird at the top of the neck.

The next serious social question still has animals in it but is no longer about whether animals wear human clothes. It simply asks, if a 600-pound silverback gorilla comes crashing through through the wall while you are sitting at home by the fireplace with your family and you can only use your surrounding objects to fight it off, what object do you use to fight it off? After a moment of contemplation, Henning answered, that he would use the Christmas tree to fight off the beast.