by Clay Cooper

Clay Cooper is almost an alumnus of PCM. If you were to tell one of my middle school teachers that, they probably would have said something along the lines of, “Yeah, right. That kid doesn’t care about school. The only thing that kid is good for is looking like a million dollars.”
Well, it’s true. I thought it was cool not having good grades and slacking every way I could. The only things I cared about were girls and having my hair look luscious and smooth and smell like money.
When high school came around, I changed. I started trying in school and getting good grades. When I did that, I didn’t think too hard about girls or my hair.
These days, those things just come naturally.
When I wake up in the morning, my hair is absolutely the most beautiful thing someone could ever see. Sometimes I’m late for school because I can’t stop looking at myself in the mirror. It’s a problem and might even be considered a disorder; a disorder for being hotter than the deepest depths of the underworld itself.
It’s tough being this good looking. Every morning, people ask me, “Clay, how do you do it? How do you look so spicy every day?”
I respond with the simple answer of, “I don’t mean to.”
I dare all of you to go through a day as Clay Cooper. Not only am I hotter than fresh cooked macaroni, but I also have a pretty big secret that I’m going to share with you.
It’s tough to wrap this around your minds, so be prepared. Trust me, it was hard for me to wrap this around my head too, I’m adopted. I was just told that other night but that’s not even the good part. My father is Channing Tatum. I was lost for 18 years, wondering why I was so good looking. Now my life makes sense. For the first time in 18 years, I can finally answer the question I’m asked every day: “Clay, how do you do it? How do you look so spicy every day?”
“Well, PCM, it’s genetic. I cannot help that my father is an A-list movie star who got voted the 2012 Sexiest Man Alive.”
It’s not fair to me that I’m a future Sexiest-Man-Alive candidate. People shouldn’t judge me for being as hot as I am. I can’t help it! The ladies always stare. The fellas always glare. Either way, my life is a mess. I’ve been given a million dollars from my biological father. Do you know how tough it is to have a million dollars lying around? If I don’t die soon, this money will be the death of me.
So to all the haters and to the people who think they know how it feels to be this hot and dangerous, you have no idea how it feels to be Clay Cooper and as sweet as candy.